I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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