i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
