dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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