Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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