just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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