I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
