My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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