before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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