I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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