my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
