I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
