Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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