we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
