You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
