I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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