its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
