Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
