im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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