Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
