Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think my vagina is haunted
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
