went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
