the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
