I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
