Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
