Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
