fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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