What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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