is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
