what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
