genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
