@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
