Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
