I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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