Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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