Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
