On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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