fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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