Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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