Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
