I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
