The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
