Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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