The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
