New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
