I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
