I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
