i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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