fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
