Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
