We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
