He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
