spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
