Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
