Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
